i just had the most powerful walk in a while. ive been bed ridden for nearly a week. and from nowhere i got better. then today went for a walk and after a hour and half i realised. i am not scared any more. im not scared of people, what they may say to me, how i might react, what they think of me, how i feel about them, how they will affect my life, how they could change me or my path, of their good sides and their bads. im not scared of money, of work, of purpose, of lack of purpose. im not scared what im doing with my life or where i am going. im not scared to travel to the opposite side of the world and drop myself alone in the middle of nowhere to start my life again. my life didnt ever really stop. i had just gotten so used to being scared. everything was a threat. i had my defenses up. he put them up. and ive let them go. i dont know what happened. or why today….ok i have some inclings, but in order to get this out im not gonna go on and on and into it. i just have to acknowledge this. today i know what it feels like to not be scared of anything again. i dont need to live on the defensive. i just need to live the life of the person i want to be and to be seen the way i want to be seen, all i need to do is act the way i believe in.
i am not scared any more.